OkStupid: Part 2 – I don’t drink

I was recently registering for the upcoming 24 Hours of Lemons race at Sonoma and noticed I could add solo drivers with a click of a button. I thought it would be fun to check out their advertisements and comment on them (red text is me). This is part 2 of 4.

Maybe if I was drunk, but I don’t drink

  • Used to be a professional downhill skater racing around the world, as well as a motorcycle racer. Competed in the AFM league racing 250cc bikes. Looking to drive but also happy to help wrench on the cars (low level experience). LOVE RACING SONOMA!!!! Maybe a good fit for a team looking for a fast driver, but all those caps and exclamation ARE TELLING ME TO RUN AWAY!!!
  • Mechanical Engineer looking to gain experience in auto sports. Very detail oriented and mechanically inclined. Willing to voluntarily support in any way possible. Congratulations, if you wanted to sound like a humorless, soulless robot, you have overachieved.
  • I am a motorsport enthusiast and have raced primarily on Laguna Seca. I am very into the Miata scene as I have a DIY channel where I am working to restore and make my car into a more nimble racer. I would love to drive to help a team if I can. Telling Lemons teams you’re into the Miata scene is sort of like going on a dating site and telling people you use legos as anal sex toys. TMI dude, TMI.
  • What if Cole Trickle baked cookie? I’m a competitive driver with experience in go kart racing and running track. I have a strong work ethic and gives 100% to the team. Did three different people write the three sentences here or are those voices in the same head?
  • I am decent driver, (i do time attack and hot hatch in the west coast) and have my own gear, Am pretty handy with mostly Mazda’s and dabble in Mopar products and have most of the tools to deal with them. Have my own truck. There are some good points here like having gear, tools, and a truck. There is also no personality.
  • I have driving experience and spent 10 + years as a Flyin crew member for IMSA teams. What exactly is driving experience? On the street or track? 10 years of IMSA crew sounds great. Here’s a tool wrap and one jack stand. Go do your magic.
  • Instructor for Porsche at experience center in ATL. SCCA competition liscensed. Degree in computer systems engineering. Can assist with car setup and data analysis. Over a thousand hours spent on track. Wow, over 1000 hours driving a Porsche at 6 tenths. Brandishing an SCCA license is always a red flag.
  • 21 years old Southbury CT Lock City drift events In my own 1989 Nissan 240SX Timed events at Lime Rock Park Seasoned simulation driver I.e. Assetta Corsa & Iracing on full Fanatec Sim Rig Fast Determined Looking for a race team. Sim racers can be pretty good drivers… or not. Anyway, I can’t get over the use of random capitalization and lack of punctuation. Please turn autocorrect back on because you can’t be trusted to write without it.
  • I can change tires and drain oil, carry heavy stuff, and that’s about it. Every car I have owned must be baptized (drive over 100mph, no matter the condition). This reads as “I don’t care about your car”. That goes over really well in an endurance race.
  • I love racing, I’m 44 years young I have done some arrive and drive karting Really want to get into spec Miata racing I can drive anything with wheels or with out I live in the San Francisco Bay Area. Lemons is not a stepping stone to Spec Miata. If you want to do Spec Miata, go there.
  • I participate in the 12 hours of Machismo in Fontana, CA. Avid track enthusiast in years prior to my first born son being born..that whole sob story. Looking to make long term connections to participate in events as often as possible! Reads like “legendary swinger looking to get back into the singles scene”.
  • Am a guy with passion for motor racing. And brevity apparently. This isn’t the old telegraph days. You don’t have to pay by the letter.
  • Complete novice looking to get into racing, figured lemons is the fastest way. I did 1 HPDE now I’m trying to figure out how to reach IMSA. Will be doing racing school later this year. I do have some natural talent and have watched racing all my life. No, no, you don’t want Lemons, you want ChumpCar. That’s the fastest way into real racing. Go there now (and don’t come back).
  • Life long hot rodder 62yrs. Frmr AA Fuel drag rcr. TV prsnality, Professor Ginz’s hot rods n racing (1993) Monster Garage 3 eps. all aspects of vehicle construction (welding, Lctrcl, cmput, pntng), nt mch rd course exp, thnk I dr ok. Like to laugh! Nt sre wht t fck w/ abrvs. tl;dl gfys
  • Hey there, so my name is XXXX XXXXX and I’m wanting to bring my 03 Subaru impreza to lemon races. Great, me too. Go build it and join the circus.
  • I am currently serving in the Navy, & should be transferring to SoCal later this fall. Have 0 mechanical skills, but willing to help fund car/entries to make up for that & want to learn. Once ranked top 100 iRating on oval lol. Please email! Zero mechanical skills and an ace at oval track sim racing? Teams must be lining up for your dance card.
  • I have a running 1991 Q45a that I’d love to donate in exchange for track time. That’s less of an incentive than you’re thinking. It’s like going to a dating site and saying “down to fuck, have used condoms”.
  • I am an HPDE instructor and instructor for the MSR Houston Track. I have raced Lemons and WRL in the past and have had no recorded incidences with either organization. I would like to find a competitive team that may need a driver. Lots of plusses here, but I don’t need people who need competitive teams.
  • I’m a neurosurgery resident in San Francisco, CA. I love cars. I have vehicle storage in a garage… I like to work on cars. I don’t have a gas-powered margarita machine. I wish I had more to offer… Yeah, we all do.

4 thoughts on “OkStupid: Part 2 – I don’t drink

  1. Could probably critique Lemons’ prompt on the registration page too:
    “Enter your name, email, and a little bit about yourself. You can describe your skills (driver, mechanic, welder, etc.), your specialties (Honda wiring, Chevy fuel systems, BMW suspensions), and anything else you might bring to the table (vehicle storage, a trailer, a gas-powered margarita machine, etc.).”

    Rgrdg th #of abrvs tht 1 guy usd, there is a 250 character limit for the registration form, for some reason.
    Even still, that guy took out way too many letters that he shouldn’t have (no idea what “pntng” and “lctrcl” are even supposed to be) and left a bunch of unnecessary ones.

    I feel a little better knowing this is _all_ of the “advertisements” though, some of them seem reasonable.

    It’s nice to see them trying to offer an “official” match-making service, I wish other series implemented something similar. From my perspective (and as somebody that would prefer to avoid facebook), if you don’t have the resources to start your own team or don’t have friends that will share costs, it’s hard to find a seat without forking over a ton of money for an arrive-and-drive seat.


  2. …. Getting a little dark in here…. I know that i put my name in that hat for a Lemon’s race years ago and its a bit tricky to convey your skills, desires and some of your personality in a small space. Especially if writing concisely isn’t part of your day job.

    I’ve been likely the rwd / fwd thing. Amazing what one can do w/ some imagination and some sim tools!


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